I am just not in a good mood today! I have so much on my mind and its all stupid stuff I can't control! All I ever do is worry, worry, WORRY!! So I have decided I am just going to write down everything that is bothering me right now and then I have to write at least one thing I like about life right now (that might not be to easy). I doubt anyone will read this so I am just going to put it out there, So here we go:
Things I hate:
1- Taylor leaving for two years, Not a stinkin day goes by that I don't think about this. The other day a Rascal Flatt's song came on in the car I believe it was called "here comes goodbye" and I sat in my car and bawled! Just thinking about it right now I am getting teary eyed! I know he is doing the right thing, but I honestly cant comprehend not being able to just call him, or go cuddle up in his arms when I am having a hard day, UGH I HATE IT!
2- I have a brother who refuses to talk to me over a STUPID little argument. I have apologized to him a number of times, but yet he is too damn stubborn to forgive me! What kind of brother does that? Seriously? I try to tell myself everyday that it's not a big deal and that it doesn't bother me, BUT IT DOES! From the time he got home from his mission he was like my hero, I kid you not. I wanted to be just like him, if he was not my brother I probably would have wanted to marry him that's how much i loved him But now I don't even see him as a brother. He is more of a thorn in my side now causing me unneeded stress! and to be quite honest with you, I think that's what he wanted. WELL BRANT YOU GOT IT, THANKS A LOT, YOU"RE THE BEST!
3-I have a 15 page English paper due that I can't get myself to sit down and write. I tried so hard the other day and got one section done but when my teacher looked at it, all he did was yell at me and told me I was not trying. What at Asshole, He doesn't even know.
4- I am always tired! I go to bed between 10:30 and 11 every night, but without fail i wake up around 2:30 and can't fall back asleep for a couple of hours. I don't realize I've been awake for awhile till i start thinking about all that's been going through my head. My mind gets going at about 100 MPH and I can't slow it down to fall back asleep. Then I start stressing about not sleeping so then I really can't fall asleep its just a big ugly circle of no sleep, school, and work.
5- I will make this my last one, I am so sick of hearing about people up north talking about me! They have NO CLUE what is going on down here and whats going on with me. Then when I ask them about it they flat out lie! If they really have that big of a problem with me, come talk to me about it; Quit talking shit about me behind my back! Speaking of up north, I get to move home in less then a month. I have not figured out how I feel about this yet. It has its up's and downs. But right now I am more focused on the downs of it, because I am ornery!
Now for the good in life! I usually try to be a happy person and be positive, At least to everyone else. Really I might just bottle everything inside and then it comes out like all this is right now.
Things I love:
1- Taylor!
He is Amazing. We have our ups and downs but give us an hour apart and everything is back to normal. We tell each other everything and help each other through everything. He always makes me laugh, and when I am down he makes me happy. He is my shoulder to cry on at least once a week. (I don't know what I will do when he leaves, he is the only person I feel comfortable crying in front of weird I know) He cuddles with me every night and gives me a kiss before he leaves even though I am usually half asleep. I just love him more than anything, I will marry him if its the last thing I do!
2-My Family- (sorry I don't have a picture) I love my family, they are the best! Whenever I am with them I am laughing! My parent, Oh man I can't even begin to say how much I love them. I talk to one of them at least once a day. Its always the same conversation, but it never gets old! Kenny and Jenn, They are what keep me going home, we laugh so much together and I love it. Those are the memories I will have with me forever!
3-My Best Friends In The World!
I can go to these girls for anything. I miss them so much and can't wait to be home in the summer to be closer to them. We have SO many memories together, and always remind each other of them. I have never had such good friends in my life till I met these girls! We did some stupid things (HA MANY) but have amazing memories. I will never forget them, they are more like sisters to me!
4- The gospel
I love it, I don't always read my scriptures and a lot of nights I fall asleep during my prayer, but I love it will all my heart. It has always been there for me when I needed it most, I know I can always rely on the church. I have had the most amazing bishop down at school, I am sad to go home to a new bishop, His counselors were amazing also. I love to talk to them and get to know them (that's a big deal for me because for the most part I hate talking to people) Me and Taylor have gone and done Baptisms for the dead a few times and it is so much fun. He has been the one to baptize me both times and did confirmations for me last time we went. When I see that he is doing the right things in life it makes me love him even more. when we leave he always gives me a kiss and tells me he will take me through one day and I cant wait! I love the church and all the blessings it has brought to my life.
5- Summer, I love going boating and being with my family. I love eating Popsicles and laying by the pool. I love being warm. I love camping. I love everything about summer!
Ok i feel so much better now! I know it was long but much needed!
The next thing holding me back is my AMAZING ward! I love it! this is the only ward I have gone to that I actually stay for all of church and love it. Not to mention My bishop Brick is the best! (No offense to Bruce, who is also an amazing bishop) but seriously. Look at these men, do they not just look the worlds best!? Just trust me, they are!
Here is option number 2-- Stay here and take classes that most likely will do me no good in the future. I am thinking about running for Student activities chair, But am not set on that. That leaves me here with my lovely girls and and amazing ward, but I dunno how I feel about paying for classes that are not gonna do me any good. Is my life starting to seem as complicated to you as it is to me right now?
